December
by Infinite possibilitiesx
Summary: I was scared, Remus. And you were brave. You loved me with all of your heat and soul and I just shut you out. And I know I shouldn't have left, and I know you wouldn't have. Just remember that I'm still here. And if you ever give me another chance I won't screw it up again, I'll love you with every inch of my body, I won't ever leave you again. Wolfstar-SLASH (BETA NEEDED)


**A/N:** I know this is so cliche but I _had_ to.

 **Dedicated to:** _Dark Eleven Sorceress_. So much for the non-angst thing... Oh well my only idea for a Wolfstar anyways...

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine.

 **Warnings:** Do I have to... It says it in the summary...Fine. SLASH, Wolfstar, yeah, whatever.

 **Contents:** Fluff, and mild Angst.

 **Alternate universe:** James died about a year after the marauders graduated. And Harry didn't kill Voldemort. He was killed by Neville instead. I got this from one of the things Harry says in HP5 or 6.

 **Edit:** I have a challenge for you guys! I based this on a song (actually it was a songfic before...The incident) it's called "Back to December by Taylor Swift". It's like, one of my favorite songs EVER. See if you can find all of the things that derive from the song!

Thank you to everyone who reviews. It means a whole lot to me

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I walk from the center of the park where I had just apparated. Only slowing slightly as I run up the rather steep hill. Collapsing onto my knees beside the old oak tree; _our_ tree. I run my frozen fingers over the soft bark, as the rain pours down my back making me shiver. I stop at a sudden nick in the bark. A little carved heart with the initials:

[ _RL + SB_ ]

At the time Sirius thought it was cheesy but I thought it was a little like the cute Rom-Coms we watched. I'm admiring the bark as tears fall from my eyes. I miss him even though he hurt me so much. Then I see a letter slipped nicely into a crack at the bottom of the tree. My name scrawled in Sirius' horrible handwriting, the ink is smeared by tears and rain. I open it cautiously, my heart jumping nervously.

 _Dear Remus,_

 _I can't figure out how to begin this so..._

 _I've heard you're getting a teaching degree, from Lily._

 _Not like I talk to her that much any more._

 _She basically blocked me out when we broke up._

 _I flooed her last week because I found out she was talking to you. She told me you had been there for her the whole time. She told me you were good. I hope you got the job at Hogwarts. You probably worked so hard for that._

 _I can't get that night out of my mind, and I regret every minute of it, every lie, every decision, every single second, that led up to me leaving you that cold December night, every second that led to me breaking your heart._

 _I guess you deserve for me to tell you why I left. And, who am I to withhold that information from you for any longer?_

 _It all started when You-Know-Who started getting stronger. When he killed James, I wanted to fight. I wanted to end him for hurting all of those people. However, he was starting to enter people's minds so he could get information out of them. I knew if I joined The Order, he would kill you to get to me. I know it may seem like I left you out of love. But I was being stupid. You were being brave, you were more than willing to fight for James. You weren't scared of dying. You weren't even that scared of losing me if you were there to die with me. I was so scared, Remus. And you were brave. You loved me with all of your heat and soul and I just shut you out **.**_

 _It was so abnormally normal that night._ _We had muggle take-out and we watched Titanic. (You picked the movie). After they_ _finally_ _rolled the credits, I looked over at you with sleepy eyes and immediately sighed. You had been holding onto my hand so hard my fingers were turning white because you were cutting of my blood circulation and you were breathing shakily. I'd have to be pretty dumb to not know that you were about to cry. I grabbed you in a warm hug and I felt a tear fall on my neck. Little did I know this would be the last time I ever held you like this._

 _After a while I realized you had fallen asleep and I was pretty tired too so I carried you up to bed with me. I was just putting you under the covers when you whispered:_

" _I love you" I smiled softly and kissed your head before whispering_

" _I love you too," then I climbed under the covers with you._

 _I don't know what made me do it. Maybe it was the fifth nightmare that week. Maybe it was the video of me, you and James playing around at his parent's house that one summer, which I watched when I couldn't sleep. And maybe it was the pictures of you I found in the study, all of you laughing, smiling, giggling or blushing madly. Or maybe it was all of those things that made me do it, or maybe it was none of them, but what ever it was,_ _it made me leave. And I know I shouldn't have, and I know you wouldn't have._

 _You were always thinking about other people feelings. You weren't selfish like me._

 _I threw random clothes into my old leather trunk and went to look for anything else I should take. That's when I saw it. It was your Gryfindoor sweatshirt, and I remembered the day I first wore that._

 _It was the morning after our first Christmas eve together. I was bloody freezing and of course you had stolen all of the covers. I was about to snatch them up when I saw you sleeping (I love the way you sleep. With your nose twitching and sniffing at random times. When you're, really tired you sometimes snort softly. I think that, even to this day, it may be one of my most favorite things ever.) and I remember that you looked so very beautiful at that time, and I didn't want to disturb you, so I got out of bed and went to find something to wear. It was before we moved in together so we were at your flat and I didn't have any clothes there. So I sifted around your dresser until I found a sweatshirt. It was dark red and it had a big yellow 'L' on the front. I sighed lovingly and held it to my chest because it was what you were wearing the day I fell in love with you and I suppose fell in love with it too. It was one of the most important things to me, it was the first thing of yours I wore and it basically became mine. (Save for the times I wanted you to wear it because the smell faded.)_

 _Anyways... When I found that sweatshirt I put to my nose, it smelled just like you. I don't think you remember this but I snuck over to your bed that night and kissed you for one last time before leaving a note that said:_

" _I'm afraid that the saying 'all good things come to an end' is true. I'm sorry for leaving, and I will always love you, maybe just not in the same way" You were the last thing I thought about that night as I stumbled out of our flat, and the thing I've thought about since._ Actually, I don't think that there's been a moment when I haven't thought of you.

 _Days went by at the Order. You never showed up. Everyone wondered about what had happened with us but they didn't ask. By the second month I had a duty to do, and I place to be. Plus, I didn't wanna hang around for too long, you might join soon and I didn't want to be there when you did. The only favor I ever asked Tonks was to keep you safe if you ever joined. To make sure you didn't get hurt. Hasn't she at least done that much? I know you guys are dating now. And I'm fine with that._

 _She loves you, you know?_

 _And now I can't help but think about those years when you still loved me. It's funny how I remember the littlest things. Do you remember when you taught me to drive?_

 _It was the summer after our 6th year and you dragged me out to your grandparent's cottage in Cornwall. You let me drive your mint green Mini and I kept slamming on the breaks and jerking it around. The day I remember the best, was the day we decided to go to the beach and you let me drive because it wasn't that far away and you wanted me to practice so I could drive to your flat in Muggle London once we graduated. You were a wreck. I remember because you looked adorable, with your hair all tasseled from running your fingers through it, your face flushed from screaming at me, your big gold eyes wide from fear. You were gripping the sides of your seat so hard your knuckles were white. You were so cute, in fact, that I was almost distracted from my sweating-all-over-sticking-to-the-leather-nervousness. Almost. You yelled obscenities at me as I swerved to the right to change lanes. I scowled then smirked as we approached a tunnel that led us to the freeway. I reached over and turned up the radio. Just as we were entering the tunnel the radio turned channels and started blasting really obnoxious rap music, which made us both go quiet._

 _Suddenly, you broke out an adorable giggle fit which also made me laugh. We laughed until the song ended and even long after. When we finally calmed down from our completely unnecessary laughing and finished our drive to the beach, you leaned to the side and rested your head on my shoulder, and I wrapped one arm around you pulling you closer. You nuzzled my neck with the tip of your and then kissed my cheek before whispering 'sorry'. I was still kind of pissed off at you for yelling at me, but when you kissed my cheek it all just melted away. I could never stay mad at you, and you could never stay mad at me, we were perfect for each other, you know that right?_

 _And I really did love you, even if it took me two years and some Firewhiskey for me to tell you that. In fact, I didn't even realize it myself until the beginning of our Seventh year._

 _We've been technically dating for about seven months at the time, and it was the morning after we were first...well, for the sake of this letter I will use a less vulgar word and just say: It was the first night we were "together"._

 _I woke up that morning with the most contempt feeling. The light drifted through the dark burgundy curtains, illuminating the gold quilt. I could feel your soft breath on the nape of my neck and and your warm figure pressed against my back. I turned around to face you, and I_ _swear_ _my heart skipped a beat. You were so beautiful, with your golden hair a mess, and the covers that ended right above your belly button. The way the light hit your face, it perfectly shadowed your nose that was littered with those adorable freckles you used to have. And even though you used to say that scar the ran from the bridge of your nose to your right nostril was downright hideous, I swear, it added to the appeal. Then you wrapped your arms around me and pulled yourself up into me, inhaling deeply then, humming into my chest. That did it. My heart caved in it seemed and I sighed. When I fell in love it was like being hit by a bus. I didn't see it coming and I couldn't think about anything else afterward, however instead of dying I felt more alive then ever._

 _And then I started getting scared. I worried constantly about you dying or getting hurt. The day the Death Eaters set fire to that store in Hogmeade that was owned by the half-breed, I had my first nightmare about losing you._

 _That was the first time I felt true fear for the war since James died. When I saw James die again. When I saw You-Know-Who capture you and use you to break me. When I saw myself break. When I saw us both die. When I saw everyone die. When I didn't know it was all a dream._

 _I woke that night screaming my head off and crying. You were awake too, with your arms around my neck._

" _Pads, Pads! It's okay, nobody's hurt, I'm not hurt" You whispered. "I'm right here. I'm fine." I slowly relaxed into your arms and buried my face in your shirt. You held me until I calmed down and whispered short reassurances until I fell asleep in your arms._

 _And if someway I could go back and take that all away...If I could erase every nightmare that has permanently screwed me up in the brain, you know I would. And I know what I did wasn't wrong-it_ _was more than wrong. It was terrible and...and I know you'll never forgive me for it. I know you'll get married and have kids of your own, and I we'll never have children of our own (I've always wanted one. A little girl or boy to care for. It would be so nice to have something to love-other than you of course). So, think of this letter of a way of putting all of that to rest._

 _Just remember that I'm still here. And if you ever give me another chance I won't screw it up again, I'll love you with every inch of my body, I won't ever leave you again._

 _I want you to be my best friend again, I want James to still be alive, I want Harry to have a father, I want him to have you, and me, I want to stop crying, I want the war to be truly over, because it's not, not to me, and even if You-Know-Who actually is gone, even if all of the Death Eaters are being put in prison, that won't make James come back to life, and that won't bring you back to me, that won't make you love me. I just want you back._

 _Now I'm starting to hyperventilate though my sobs and all I can think about how I never said I love you enough. How I only said it no more than ten times, while you said it almost every day. Now the ink is getting all smeared from my tears and I'm going to have to stop writing..._

 _If this letter somehow found you. I want you to know that I'm still I'm still waiting. That I love you. I love you so much, it hurts that I can't have you anymore. It literally hurts._

 _-SIRIUS B_

I breath shakily as finally, after many quits, force myself to finish the letter. My hands shake as I tuck the letter back into the envelope, and I sob loudly as tears pour down my cheeks. All of this time I've been wondering why Sirius left, and now that I know it seems to hurt even more. Knowing that he's waiting for me to come to him. Making me decide between finding a new life and forgetting him, forgetting us. Or I could leave behind all of the hurt, all of the pain, all of tears, all of the loneliness he's caused me and I could just show up his doorstep and forgive all of the things he's done to me. I burry my face in my hands and think about all that was in the letter. The moments I'd pushed to the back of my mind and all of the love I felt all of that time ago.

I finally take my hands off of my face and slip the letter back into it's old spot still sobbing. As I begin to stand I hear a sigh from behind me followed by an unbelieving chuckle. I turn around to be met with beautiful dark grey eyes and shoulder length soaked black hair.

I continue to sob as I stare at Sirius, who stands at the bottom of the hill, his dark grey eyes leaking with tears. He sobs softly his hands dropping to his sides in awe. The rain pours down his back soaking his shirt and hair. I'm waiting for him to move and stop standing there staring at me, when I realize that he's waiting for me to make a move as well.

My legs move before my brain does and all of the sudden I'm walking down the hill to Sirius. My steps start off slow and hesitant, but by the time that I'm at the end of the hill I'm almost running. Tears blur my vision, my heart pounds and my stomach aches with butterflies as I make my way to Sirius. He starts to cry himself as I almost reach him, as he takes two steps to meet me in the middle. Right before we reach each other, his hands shoot out to catch my face and my arms reach to wrap around his waist.

Our lips collide before our bodies do. His hands move from my cheeks to my hair and my arms wrap tighter around his mid-section. Sirius takes no time in deepening the kiss, tilting his head sideways. Emotions explode in my body as I lean in to kiss Sirius harder. As the kiss softens and Sirius tilts his head a little bit forward I feel the tears on his cheeks touch my forehead.

"You hurt me..." I whisper through my tears as I pull apart from his lips.

"I know I did, and I will never forgive myself for that. Ever," he says his voice dripping with sorrow and hurt.

"I can't forgive all that you did to me with one letter and a kiss. It'll take time."

"I'll wait for all of the time in the world to have you back," He says, his nose touching mine.

"It might take _years_ of make-up sex, before I finally choose to forgive you..." I whisper, a slight smile tugging at my lips. Sirius grins.

"I'll suffice..." He says and I laugh. His eyes suddenly catch mine and he whispers " _I love you_..." My heart explodes with force of those three words. "I love you," He repeats again leaning forward to stare into my eyes

"I love you too..." I say before kissing him again softly, before wrapping myself up in his arms.

"I promise I'll tell you I love you every day..." He says into my hair, my smile widens, "And I promise that I won't make fun of you when you carve our initials into things," he laughs softly and strokes my hair continues "and I promise to hug and kiss you every chance I get," He exhales into my hair and finally whispers "but most of all I promise I will _never_ let you go _ever_ again..."

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 **Thanks for reading! Who else needed that ending as sort of a pick me up? I did.**

 **Also this took me about... 9 months to write, on and off. Then another month to edit because I'm lazy. Plus, I didn't know how to finish this, so please give me feedback on how I did please.**

 **_Wolfie**

 **Does anyone want a sequel or prequel to this? Please tell me if you would like that.**

 **Also, If you could review that'd be so amazing, it barley takes a second and can literally make my day.**


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